Tell Me, Do I Love You?
by NekoAllenLover
Summary: Kanda and Allen get into another typical fight, but this one ends differently as Kanda goes to far and Allen runs off in tears. Confused by his feelings towards the hurt silverette, Kanda goes to confront Allen...only to find him missing. And in his place, a room full of Dark Matter. Now Kanda and co. have 6 months to find Allen, or he'll be marked a traitor...and hunted down.
1. Prologue Stupid Love

**This story is dedicated to my Onee-Chan, Pan-Onee-Chan! Today, 8-14, is her birthday, so this is my birthday gift to her. I'm really sorry that it's late. Right now it's 1:50 in the morning and I have been doing homework since I got home at 5, but it seems like I failed you...I'm really sorry. I wanted to have you read this on your birthday, but instead I find myself writing right now...No words can truly express how sad I am at letting you down Onee-Chan. Hopefully this Prologue will be good enough to make it up to you. :'(**

**Happy 15th Birthday, and May You Have Many More To Come Too! :)**

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Allen's POV: Prologue

The reason why it started is lost to me now, but what I do remember is that the fight was somehow different than normal.

Though we still threw insult after insult at each other, it no longer had that hint of playfulness that meant we didn't mean the words we said. The venom was real, and it hurt more than I thought it would have coming from Kanda.

We were never on the best of terms considering how we met, but our first mission together showed me so much more than I thought was to the stoic man everyone feared.

And I think that's when I started to fall for him.

But as everyone said before, "There's no time for love in war." No matter how much I disagreed with them. It slowly dawned on me after each mission I came back on with another companion dead: that maybe they're right. Maybe there is no place for something as fragile as love in something so cold as war?

But the nights wasted telling myself this didn't diminish the feelings that budded every time I saw Kanda.

So strange to think that the same man I supposedly hated beyond anything, would be my very first crush...

Even with these confusing thoughts in my mind I yell at Kanda about how stupid he is, but I guess in a way he's smarter than me...

At least he's got his feelings of hate settled, while I'm fighting myself as I try and figure out what I'm really feeling.

I laugh inside at the pain that thought brought me. I really love him, huh?

Just another fucked up thing about me that I'll have to keep locked away inside along with all my other monsters...

I open my mouth to say something harsh at him about his beautiful hair, when he yells something at me that makes me freeze.

The people around us stop along with time; everything is silent as I see the sudden recognition on Kanda's face as to what exactly he had said. He didn't even mean to say something like that... Guess that means he was thinking about it and he just let it slip... I was wrong about Kanda.

I'm the stupid one.

Bitter tears prick my eyes as I shut my mouth immediately after I realized it hang open similar to all the shocked gazes. He tries to say something else, but simply stutters. He's at a loss as to what to do next, but I'm not giving him the time to hurt me more. I scream something that is lost to me now, but his shocked and pained face will forever be burned into my nightmares.

I turn and walk away at first as I wipe my eyes trying to grasp at my slipping dignity, but I eventually give up and let the tears fall. When I get far enough away that I'm pretty sure the stunned crowd can't see me anymore...I run.

As fast as I can, I blindly run away from Kanda, and the strange fight we had. The same insults, the same threats, and the same witnesses...but for some reason it hurt so much more!

Why does loving him have to hurt so much?

When my tired feet finally give way, and I'm no longer able to keep up my fast pace as I'd reached my limit, I collapse to the floor. I curl up into a ball leaned against the wall...and I cry.

I cry as loudly as I can. Screaming at the pain that spread throughput my body, I beg for someone to have mercy on me and just end it. But it seems as no one can hear me anymore as I cry out and curse at everything that has ever hurt me.

Eventually I start to make less and less sense as my body goes numb from the sadness.

The day had been going so perfectly, yet for a reason I can not remember, I ruined that contempt moment where we sat and, ate, and sometimes spoke.

I ruined another happy moment in my life that I will never get back...

I picked my heavy, unfeeling body off the floor as I look up to see where I had ended up. Ironically enough I had found my own room in my blind madness.

Never before had my room looked so cold, lifeless, and as sad as I felt, but I was far to empty to care how the room seemed to reek of darkness. It was something I had to get used to all my life; I didn't expect the life of an exorcist to be any better.

And though my bed and the picture of the clown above it used to make me more whole as I could reminisce all my memories of Mana together with Allen*, but this time was also different. The picture looked like any other piece of art, simply drawn from a sudden desire, with nothing else to it.

Even Mana felt lifeless in my precious memories, as of he was merely a puppet who's had his strings cut.

The darkness of my room, the heaviness of my body, and the dizziness from crying made it difficult to stay awake. Almost as if someone was trying to make me sleep.

Panic flared inside me as I felt the familiar pain of Nea's presence. I tried to get up, but my limbs refused to listen.

Then Mana's voice started to sing...the same melody that was found in Timcampy...

And I realized it was pointless to fight. The only reason why I ever fought Nea to begin with was because I didn't want him to hurt my friends... But Kanda won't let that happen. He has already promised me that he will kill me when Nea shows himself, and I'm sure he'll do it without any hesitation.

Mana's voice neared the end of the song as I let my eyelids fall closed, and I slip away from the pain and the sadness.

"_You're just a host for a traitorous Noah!"_

I really am stupid...

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**This is the Prologue for Pan-Onee-Chan's story gift, i'll continue to write this, I should get this story done quick because these are smooth type of ideas that flow nicely. Thanks for the chance to do this Onee-Chan! This is my first request story so I really hope it's good and that you don't mind the First Person on it. If you do i'll change it in the next chapter.**

**Love you so much, Happy Birthday Again! :D**

***Mana's clown partner that was a dog. He was Allen Walker's first friend as he was kind to him the moment they met. Allen cried openly in front of the stranger Mana when the dog was killed by a rival clown.**


	2. Chapter 1 I'm Sorry's Too Late

_**This chapter is a "Thank You" dedication to Andune Carnesir! Though, with school always in the way of my writing I thought that I may be able to create this chapter on the weekend if I had time, but I was able to write it during school! :) So if there is anything wrong with it PLEASE tell me in the comments or as a PM so that I can get it fixed as quickly as possible. Thank you Andune Carnesir, Pan-Onee-Chan, Akuma-Chan, and Lauren-Kun!**_

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I stood stunned. As I watched the Moyashi's retreating figure.

The cafeteria was deathly silent as all eyes turned on me, as if willing me to explain what had happened.

Without looking away from the running Moyashi I take off after him.

'_He probably thinks that I can't see him anymore... Baka...'_

I lost sight of him, but as I blindly wandered the hallways looking for any sign of the white-haired boy I suddenly heard a pain-filled scream.

Immediately following the cries I find myself at the Moyashi's door, _'To think he would be able to get to his room by randomly running off in a direction...'_

I raise my hand to knock, but I pause, _'Why did he suddenly stop crying?'_

Placing my hand gently against the wooden door, as if the slightest wrong moment would cause the Moyashi to go off again, "Moyashi?"

"..." I can hear the white-haired boy talking to someone inside, but the exact words only come out as mumbles.

"Moyashi? Who is in there with you?" I wait for a reply, but instead the crying starts up again.

Sighing as a sharp pain lingers in my chest as I realize that I truly hurt the innocent boy, "Look, Moyashi—..."

"NO!" The boy's scream shocked me out of my haze as it finally dawns on me that he is in trouble.

"Moyashi?! What's going on, Moyashi?!" I try the doorknob, but, of course, it's locked.

"Don't, please, don't hurt him! Please, not him!" The Moyashi continues to plead with the mysterious figure in his room.

"Moyashi, get out of the way! I breaking down your door, now!" Backing away slightly I take out Mugen and make quick work of the wooden barrier.

What I see is forever burned into my mind...

"I'm...sorry...Kanda..." The Moyashi speaks slowly as blood slips from his smiling lips, tears still flowing endlessly from his mercury eyes. "I didn't...want...him to...hurt...you..." The black, shadowy smoke engulfing the room, swallowing the Moyashi whole.

I run toward the Moyashi trying to get to him before he completely disappeared into the darkness, "Allen!"

Reaching out...my hand only pasted through the black wisps that remained...

I didn't realize until now how much the pain in my chest intensified when I thought of the hurt I inflicted upon the Moyashi...

And it was too late to even say those two simple words...

'_I'm sorry...'_

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**_I'm sorry! Even though this chapter is supposed to be a heartfelt dedication to a very helpful friend and reader... I think it's horrible! :'(_**

**_Andune-San, please forgive me, even though you said you were looking forward to this, and to all my other dear readers who wanted something, I don't seem to be able to write anything but stupid crap..._**

**_Yet, I get so angry when a favorite author doesn't update on their manga's! OH GOD I REALLY AM A DESPICABLE HUMAN BEING! :C_**

**_Hope you enjoyed though...:}_**


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